The RedMolly Picayune-Democrat

And now for something completely different...

So you know those fun little questionnaires that people e-mail to you asking things like "when is your anniversary?" and "if you could survive on any three foods alone, what would they be?"

This is my humble contribution to the genre.

MOVIE QUOTE QUIZ-TIONNAIRE
Fill in the blanks in these movie quotes with words/phrases that describe you. And please note that all references to "you/your" really mean "I/me," at least in the question-answering sense... um... that made no sense, but I think you should be able to figure it out on your own.

1. “I was born a --- --- ---.” (The Jerk)
2. “Your middle name is ---, as in ---, your birth date's ---, you're 5'---, you weigh --- pounds and your social security number is [just kidding!].” (Breakfast Club)
3. “Your mother was a --- and your father smelt of ---.” (Holy Grail)
4. “It's a Zen thing, like how many --- fit in a ---.” (Waiting for Guffman)
5. “I have a bad feeling about ---.” (Star Wars)
6. “This is not a tragedy. A tragedy is ---, or ---.” (Dirty Dancing)
   
7. “ My job consists of basically ---, and, at least once a day, --- so I can ---while I fantasize about ---. ” (American Beauty)
   
8. “I see --- people.” (Sixth Sense)
   
9. “Vote for ---!” (Napoleon Dynamite)
   
10. “What do you mean nothing good? We've seen everything good. We've seen ---! We went to ---, we saw priceless ---! We ate ---!” (Ferris Bueller)
11. “Life is ---. Anyone who says differently is selling something.”(Princess Bride)
12. “'Blessed are the ---.'” (Life of Brian)

And here are my answers:

1. “I was born a small white Californian.” (The Jerk)
2. “Your middle name is Rebecca, as in Sunnybrook Farm, your birth date's June 20, you're 5'6 (if you stretch your neck), you weigh too damn many pounds and your social security number is [just kidding!].” (Breakfast Club)
3. “Your mother was a teacher and your father smelt of err, cigarettes” (Holy Grail)  
4. “It's a Zen thing, like how many angels fit in a sock.” (Waiting for Guffman)
5. “I have a bad feeling about Bill Frist.” (Star Wars)
    
6. “This is not a tragedy. A tragedy is ethnic warfare in Darfur, or bicameral Republican control of Congress.” (Dirty Dancing)
    
7. “ My job consists of basically screwing around on the computer, and, at least once a day, taking a yoga break so I can close my eyes while I fantasize about triumphing over my nemeses. ” (American Beauty)
    
8. “I see redneck people.” (Sixth Sense)
    
9. “Vote for Obama!” (Napoleon Dynamite)
    
10. “What do you mean nothing good? We've seen everything good. We've seen Paris! We went to the Musee d'Orsay, we saw priceless Degas paintings! We ate croques-monsieurs!” (Ferris Bueller)
11. “Life is pain (I can't improve on the original). Anyone who says differently is selling something.”(Princess Bride)  
12. “'Blessed are the pot-smokin' skate punks.'” (Life of Brian)

And now some tags! Amy, Gwyn, Constance, Wanda, Melissa, Molly... hell, whoever feels like doing it, just LMK and shoot me a trackback. Have fun and feel free to add you own favorite quotes!

When Spring attacks

$6.99 at Safeway on Saturday... a paleish collection of tightly sealed buds.

Two days later: spring has sprung, right here on my dining room table.

Second image devoid of cereal bowls, science experiments in progress and the front cover of the Sunday New York Times Magazine, courtesy of the Magic Extractor tool in Photoshop Elements 4.0. Highly recommended, dude.

Best. Thing. Ever.

Totally worth the download time. Just start it DLing, go fix some tea, come back and prepare to stand amazed.

Marimba Ponies

Double-recommended by Herm and Herm's Sweetie. Maddest of props to them both.

Words to live by

"No man but a blockhead ever wrote except for money." --Samuel Johnson

So maybe this is my problem. As much as I say I want to finish my novel, and as much as I think I want to finish my novel, I think I've internalized the fact that no one is paying me to do this, and there's a chance (probably a good one) that no one will ever pay me for having done it. (Don't say that! --internal cheerleader)

And so I find 1,001 ways to avoid working on the book, channeling my energy instead into Real Writing that someone is Paying Me to Do or into such worthwhile but non-writerly pursuits as cleaning my office (for the four-thousandth time this month), washing the laundry or applying Colgate Simply White to my teeth.

My latest method of novelistic evasion? Being firmly convinced that there is a deeply-rooted flaw in the very structure of the book, one which will not allow writing to progress until it is identified and rooted out. Poor Sweetie had to listen to me going on and on about this for a while last night over pizza 'n' wine.

Then this morning, while in the shower (the true mother of invention), I realized what the problem was. And also how to fix it.

And now I'll have to come up with another way to avoid writing the book. Or maybe actually write the damn thing.

Procrastination station

This is how you know you're really putting off work:

You decide today would be a great day to index your rubber stamps.

Doesn't that sound like oodles of OCD fun?

Cover girl

Just saw a mockup of the cover for Digital 5. It looks freakin' awesome (thanks, Cathy)... super-vibrant colors and something kinda cool and out of the ordinary with Photoshop brushes... hee hee...

Coming to a newsstand near you May 9! (I *think* that's the precise date...)

More posts about punkbooking and tunes

So we have a new (though tentative) name for this Thing That Is Not Exactly Scrapbooking, but Sort Of Like It, that is done by People Who Are Most Certainly Not Scrapbookers, But Have Photos and Interesting Stories to Preserve.

We are calling it "punkbooking." At least until we come up with something better.

I would say there are definite punk overtones to this... a certain DIY sensibility that fits right in... a sort of anarcho-collectivist ethic to the idea of getting together and making something all your own that scorns the very notion of cute. Sounds good, anyway.

Here's Laura's "punkbook," or should we say "punker bag album?" Tee hee. It's called "My Soundtrack,"and features lists of songs (soon to be accompanied by CDs tucked into the album pockets) that have featured prominently in her life, both childhood and "adultness" (sez Laura).

Pretty freakin' awesome, huh? Want to make your own paper bag album? Just follow these simple steps:

• Get some paper lunch sacks (Laura used 2 for her album... 2 to 4 seems to work the best).
• Fold in half vertically and crease firmly.
• Stack them together with open ends alternating and creases aligned.
• Sew along the seam. You can either machine-sew (as Laura did) or poke holes every quarter-inch along the seam and hand-sew with a backstitch (as I did, 'cause I don't have no stinkin' sewing machine).
• Decorate and have fun! You can cut along the closed bottom seam to form a nice little pocket to tuck tags, memorabilia, etc. into... put larger photos or CDs into the full-sized "pockets" (open tops of the bags)... bind, as Laura did, by punching a couple of holes in the pre-sewn seam and threading a ribbon through... what-freakin'-ever. (Freakin', or its more vulgar cousin, is the only viable infix in the English language. At least according to The Know-It-All, a riotously amusing book I am currently reading, about a fellow who decides to read the entire Encyclopaedia Britannica.)

So... yesterday was Valentine's Day. Beloved Sweetie and I had a scrumptious homemade (Jim-made, really) dinner of blue-cheese crusted filet mignon (mmm), pommes frites (dee-lish) and broccoli-chickpea-grape tomato salad (my humble contribution). And despite our vow to each other, as every year, that we weren't going to "get presents" for each other, these are the sweeeeeet new headphones Jim gave me:

Look! Look how they fold up into a cunning little case that makes them look like sunglasses! I like to puke.

And speaking of DIY:

This was my Valentine's present for Jim. It's a desktop picture/screensaver for his work computer, made with Gina Miller's "Build Your Own Bulletin Board" kit from Scrapbook-Bytes.com. Which I found out about from Melissa's blog Creative Musings. And Melissa is the person who wanted instructions on how to make a paper bag album. See how the circle is complete? Hakuna matata, baby.

One last thing. This is what my hair looked like for Jim's big work shindig thingy on Friday:

Unfortunately, NOBODY GOT A GOOD PICTURE of how the back/updo part looked... my hair lady Lori outdid herself and I was SO HAPPY to have such BEAUTIFUL HAIR that didn't LOOK LIKE MESSY CRAP like it USUALLY DOES... alas...

Mad props to whomsoever recognizes the album title that the title of this post is sorta paraphrased from, kind of.

Paper bag writer

The Future of American Crafting is, I'm happy to report, in very good hands.

At least as evidenced by the success of a gathering Laura hosted at her house yesterday evening where I demonstrated how to make paper bag albums.

We had twelve ladies there, and as far as I could tell, everyone had a wonderful time and made some extremely creative stuff. Only a couple of the ladies considered themselves "scrapbookers," and they ranged from massage therapists to bookkeepers to painters to medical office workers, mostly in their mid-twenties to early thirties.

I pre-cut coordinating papers for everyone to choose from and put together two kits from seven different collections: Basic Grey Phresh & Phunky, Making Memories Simply Fabulous Brooke, American Crafts Simply Chic, Magic Scraps (can't find a link for the paper...argh), Chatterbox Rec Room, Daisy D's Red Wagon and Sonnets Historical: Cranberry.

Then I loaded up the kits plus approximately eight tons of stamps, rub-ons, scissors, adhesives, trimmers, ribbon and other goodies:

(not all contents shown)

And here is the album I made for a sample:




(The idea being that a CD with songs by some of the artists listed will tuck neatly into the little paper bag pocket.)

Anyway, we had a fine and awesome time, with the themes of albums produced ranging from "My World" (travels, by Lydia) to "My Soundtrack" (songs of past and present emotional importance, by Laura) to "Six Things I Love About You" (Valentine for her sweetie, by Shauna) to "Thoughts on Parenting" (by Kendi--very cool) to "Goals at Thirty" (by Amanda) to "*untitled freeform journal exploration*" (by Molly... Jones, not me) to "I Enjoy Being a Girl" (assumed title... by Alexi, age 11). Everyone left with a completed or mostly-completed project and the supplies they needed to finish or embellish further at home. Tons of fun; we're planning to get together and do it again soon; you should get together a bunch of your friends, self-described scrapbookers or otherwise, and try it for yourselves!

N.B.: Laura made some damn fine banana-chocolate bread puddings, mmmmmm, and Trevor (after absenting himself from all the girly goings-on and coming to my house to drink Guinness with Jim) came home, sat down and started a paper bag album himself (title: "My Boo," apparently a paean to his lovely and talented wife).

Valentine's Day is just around the corner

...and does anything say "love" like six full seasons of leather-clad, gaze-of-steel-directing, outrageous-sound-effects-producing, lesbian-subtext-revelling Warrior Princessness?

I thought not.

Get the complete Xena series on DVD and make your loved one very, very happy.

Listing to the left

No real post today, not in the traditional sense. But please check out the new additions to my "Listen," "Read" and "Blog Like Me" lists over there <-- . I worked hard on them and now you should read hard on them.

Do you guys think I should make a "Watch" list for TV and movies? I spend approximately 700% more time reading and listening than I do watching, but hell, there's some good stuff out there.