So Angie tagged me, along with most of the rest of the Digital Scrapbooking crew, and since I've been woefully uncreative on the blog post topic front lately, I figured what the hell. Thanks, cute Angie! And I still need to watch you at the craps table, you gambling demon, you. And you were a total trooper about eating the curry at PMA! Mmmm, curry. And without further ado, here are seven facts, some random, some weird. (I really couldn't tell you what the difference between "random" and "weird" is, unless one is supposed to somehow randomly determine facts to share, such as "I have two coffee cups on my desk, both empty. They look oddly homey and comforting in the wan sunlight streaming through the window.")
- I can't sneeze without looking at the sun, or at least a very bright light. Many members of my family have this same condition; my mom did some research and found out that it's called autosomal dominant compulsive helio-opthalmic outbursts of sneezing, or ACHOO syndrome. (Cue Jon Stewart: "Autosomal dominant compulsive helio-opthalmic outbursts of sneezing, or NAMBLA. ..." My God, that never gets old.)
- A frighteningly large percentage of what I say consists of a few stock goofy words or phrases, with the occasional song/movie quote thrown in to leaven the mass. My response to all questions? "Kittens." When the kids get up to badness? "Have you no sense of decency, sir?" When something is bad, rotten, boring or just plain stupid? "This is dildos." Seriously. I don't know why someone hasn't strangled me yet. So freakin' annoying...
- I love to sort, organize and throw things away. Not having a place for something, or seeing something not in the right place, makes me feel all wriggly and wrong-hearted inside. But then when I am feeling less than tip-top and not adhering to the strict rules of the GSH plan, I start stacking things up thinking how good it will feel when I am finally up to putting them away with great precision and unparalleled accuracy. And I stack, and I stack, and the stacks teeter and fall, and people start e-mailing me looking for stuff I was supposed to have done a long time ago, and the world caves in and oh hell let's just go back to bed.
- After much agonizing mental toil, I think I have figured out out exactly what combination of Stilton, Trader Joe's Sesame Thins and red wine I can consume every day and still lose weight. My calculations so far: 4 ounces of Stilton + 9 Sesame Thins + 5 six-ounce glasses of wine = 1235 calories. And I would be walking 2.5 miles round trip to Lupa for two of those glasses of wine, which should burn off 311 calories, so we are GOLDEN. I call it the "Scurvy Gone Wild!" diet. Will probably need to throw a multi-vitamin or a handful of sprouts or something in there.
- Best thing this week: Eddie Izzard's "Death Star Canteen" bit, performed in LegoVision:
- Jim's parents bought us a webcam, but I can't figure out how to make the stupid thing work with stupid Windows Live Messenger stupid stupid. Why do you need three names for your product anyway? What would be wrong with MessCam or Winchat or Herringbeast or something short and easy to remember and not at all made by Microsoft? And why does every stupid Microsoft product in the world feel the need to start up every time I restart my computer and natter on at me about needing to adjust the settings or check for compatibility upgrades or something? Pfaugh. It's enough to make a girl go Linux.
- There's nothing to completely erode your sense of self-worth like scrolling through the Craigslist job listings and realizing that there is nothing, nothing that you are remotely qualified to do. Bookkeeping? Dental assisting? Residency coordinating for a nonprofit teaching hospital? These human resources people would laugh in my face. About all I can do is type fast (91 WPM with 98% accuracy baby!) and string words together into long semi-coherent jumbles. Possessing these skills, alas, makes one rather less employable than would having a dab hand with a bedpan.
So, Angie, was that random enough for you? Thanks for the tag. I know I've been tagged a few times recently and never responded. My excuse is that I suck, and I am very sorry. But anyway, thanks for inviting me to play.
Anyone else want to play? I know this is a well-worn meme, but it's always fun to read what lurks in the hearts of (wo)men.